For the majority of my life I felt quite intimidated by girls/women who looked like me. Let me see if I can explain.
The transition from private school to public middle school had a huge impact on my social life. It never hit me that race was such a huge thing until I entered the public school system.
By the time I reached the 6th grade, I thought I had become accustomed to being in public school. That was until I realized that kids, well, they are not so nice. Especially, US, “Black kids”. I started to get made fun of because of how I spoke, because to them, I spoke “white”. I called it “proper”, they called it “white”. To each, his own… I guess. Whatever “it’s” called, I assumed it was not “normal”.
I was made fun of because:
How I used to dress – which was something similar to the EMO trend.
Who I hung with – which happened to be majority white kids.
How my hair was – I’m pretty sure I was famous for having the most “eddies”.
I never understood why I was being made fun of for being well, me! I felt myself becoming timid and intimidated by black kids. Especially, black girls (who grow into Black Women). I would hear the whispers and jokes. See the rolling of the eyes and felt ALL of the cold shoulders.
But then I got into middle school and this is where I learned the term “long term friendships”. Some know us by Siddity (a name given to us because, I assume of how people portrayed us, but didn’t really know us), but to me, they were my saving grace. I would think to myself, “FINALLY, black girls that liked me, for me”. No judging, no eye rolling, or cold shoulders. Wellllll not after we got to know each other anyway. I was set and satisfied with the people in my clique. I decided that I didn’t need anyone else, but them. By the time high school rolled around, it seemed to be a full blown competition between black girls. Focusing on petty things like who’s clique was better, who dressed better, who had the best boyfriend, or even better, who could get the boyfriend from the girl.
Everyone had their clique and stuck to it. If someone in your clique didn’t like someone outside of the clique, that means “you” being in the clique also disliked the girl outside the clique. Child’s play, honestly. Strangely however, it became “The New Norm”. I don’t fool with you, you don’t fool with me and we were all fine with that. I still remember, my senior year I was literally a couple of weeks from graduating and I ended up in a fight. Why, you asked? That’s a VERY good question, because to this day, I have NO CLUE. I’m assuming the idea that I thought I was better than whoever, may have been the root of it all.
After that fight however, I backed up from black women even more. I wanted nothing to do with them. So, I decided that I wouldn’t even make the attempt to get to know any black woman outside my circle. I took that feeling to college, until I eventually met my college roommates, who were just as weird and quirky as me. Then came this “hood chick” (at least that’s how I stereotyped her at the time) who was extra friendly in class, which took me aback. After that I met this “free spirited girl” through the “hood chick” and there began the beginning of truly opening up to black women and seeing them in a different light. It didn’t really hit me until I was about 24 and many encounters later with other black women that I noticed that we as black women have wayyyyy more in common than we do not have in common. The struggles that we go through whether it be men, depression, jobs, overall goals that we set for ourselves, the true love and loyalty that we crave out of friendships, or even what hair products to use (because that struggle is REAL). I went from becoming intimidated to now questioning why are we so afraid to open up and at least embrace the idea that we as black women can actually get along. Why do we have to give each other such a hard time? Life is hard enough as it is. Yes, I’m very aware that “Blacks” as a whole have had it instilled in us to look at each other as enemies/competition, because that’s what “Massah” and his wife taught us, but come on now, it’s 2017. I don’t think black women are fully aware of the MAGIC that we carry. Especially, when we are working together. I know y’all have seen Hidden Figures! There’s so much more we can get accomplished working together. Now, I’m not saying everyone should become “besties”. I get that some people just can’t always associate themselves with others. I’m the same way. That’s everyone. What I am saying, is that we should at least be able to be cordial with one another. Help each other out from time to time. And if you feel like you can’t even do that, sit to the side and watch until you are ready to join in. Don’t continue the cycle of hate that will be passed down to your kids (Generational Curses are SO REAL, and WE have the power to BREAK them!).
Statics show that even through the past and daily struggles with society and with ourselves, black women as a whole have done some extraordinary things. Let me throw some facts your way real quick.
- In 2013 it was documented that, 57% of black women have attended college.
- As far as entrepreneurship, we are becoming one of the fastest-growing segment in the business market. From 1997-2013, companies started by black women, have grown nearly 258%.
- Black women own more than 1 million firms, employ 272,000 people OTHER than THEMSELVES, and generate an estimated $44.9 billion in revenue.
- Black women lead all women in labor force participation rates. Even after becoming a mother.
I could go on and on, but I’ll wait to do that on another post.
Yes, I know that there are some facts out there that COULD discourage us. We’re still fighting for equal pay, and it’s like pulling teeth when you’re trying to convince your company that you deserve that promotion. Or those entrepreneurs that are trying to convince any bank to give you that loan, but statics have shown that it is possible. There’s so much that we can achieve. There’s no need to try beat your so called “competition,” or feel threatened. Trust there’s enough out there for everyone. Imagine what all we could get accomplished by working together. Teaming up with others to brainstorm ideas. Ohhhh what a beautiful sight.
Now, let me be clear. This post is in no way trying to bash, bring down, or discredit any other race. I as a black woman am only acknowledging a problem that I have seen trending for some time now, and just trying to bring more awareness to it.
So, the next time you see yourself about to side eye the chick that walks pass you in the break room, or immediately finding faults in the girl that passes you in the mall, instead, give a quick smile and a hello. Remind her that we are each other’s sister’s keeper and safe haven. And if she doesn’t smile back, don’t take offense. Just focus on doing your part in spreading the love and I promise it’ll become contagious.
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